Somewhere during the course of his four years in various organized sports, my son became a serious competitor. He assumes responsibility and carries the outcome of the game on his small shoulders. No matter what sport he is playing he feels compelled to carry his team to victory. I can always tell when he’s feeling particularly anxious about the score because he starts wringing his hands and has a definite look of consternation on his face. Needless to say, the look on his face after a loss is heartbreaking.

What I can’t understand is how did this happen? We have always strived to keep youth sports in perspective. My husband and I rarely keep track of the score. We don’t expect our son to earn a college scholarship based on his sporting ability. Playing sports is simply an outlet for him to expend all that boundless energy that never seems to wane. Prior to each practice and game I make it a point to tell him, “Have fun!” After all, the goal of youth athletics is to encourage maximum effort, unselfish play, and plenty of fun.

One of the main reasons we as parents encourage our children to pursue some type of organized sport is because of the many life lessons that are learned as a result of participation. Winning and losing is a regular occurrence and if you look only at the scoreboard, not everyone can be a winner. Obviously, kids and their teammates put enough pressure on themselves to perform well and win the game. But, is it possible that I too unknowingly fostered this hyper-competitive spirit in my son despite my efforts to always be supportive and encouraging?

How our kids handle the loss of a game can influence how they deal with successes and failures in other areas of life. We’ve all witnessed the interesting display of professional athletes after tacking points onto the scoreboard. More than a simple high five, you will often see chest thumping and even some sort of ritual dance. After a loss however the behavior becomes much worse. Our kids see all that and because they look up to professional athletes they may inadvertently pick up some of their traits—good or bad.

Keep in mind, however, that we as parents also serve as role models for our children. Thankfully, at least while they’re still young, we are the most influential presence in their lives. According to Youth Fitness Magazine, parents should carefully examine their behavior and consider the following:

• Have I taught my child the right way to handle losing? How do I react when the team I’m rooting for—either my child’s team or my favorite collegiate or professional team—is on the losing end? Although emotional expression is a critical part of all athletic competitions, negative emotions and vulgar outbursts have no place in youth sports.
• Am I openly critical about the coaching, officiating or other teammates in front of my child? This is a serious matter that can bring division between players, parents and coaches. Openly criticizing the team in front of a child encourages them to believe they have a right to do the same. It also allows them to place the blame on others for lack of performance.
• Do I treat my child differently after a loss than after a win?
  Many athletes get their sense of personal worth from how they perform on the field. This can lead a child into an emotional roller coaster of exciting highs when they win, and depressing lows when they lose. Try to encourage your child after a loss, the same as you would after a win.

Think about these questions next time you’re watching a game. Make sure your child is always on the winning team, no matter what the scoreboard says.

Linde Hyder, i9 Sports Mom Blogger