Sometimes kids are more intuitive than we think. This is my son’s third summer of playing basketball. While soccer remains his first love he also thoroughly enjoys basketball and flag football. His passion for sports never seems to wane, no matter the score or number of losses his team may have. This season his team won its first game and lost its second. Following the second game he told his coach, “It’s okay that we lost today. We’re already doing better than we did last year.”
Last year-albeit a different group of players and coach—his team lost every single game. So, his comment made me realize the amazing positive attitude he has within that I never really knew he had. Although I usually maintain a positive attitude regardless of the circumstances surrounding me, I haven’t followed any kind of “rule book” with tips on how to instill that kind of optimism in my children. That made me wonder: What can parents do to foster a positive attitude in their children about sports? Win or lose?
The Center for Sport Psychology and Performance Excellence at the University of North Texas offers these suggestions on being a positive youth sport parent.
1. Educate yourself about the game. Develop a basic understanding of the rules, techniques, tactics, and general physical demands of your children’s sport so you can appreciate what they are doing, enjoy the games more and talk about their experiences.
2. Understand and model appropriate behaviors. You are a role model for your children, so be a positive cheerleader and fan at their games. Model how you want them to behave, even if you think a referee is bad or the other team is playing unfairly.
3. Encourage your children to talk to their coaches. Learning to communicate with an authority figure is a skill that your children will need for the rest of their lives. Help them feel confident in asking their coach for assistance, support and information.
4. Monitor your children’s nutritional and sleeping habits. Ensure your children have the greatest chance to be successful both on and off the playing field. Proper sleep and nutrition and adequate hydration are essential for your kids to excel.
5. Limit your use of incentives. Instead of motivating your children through external rewards—such as giving them a dollar for every point they score—help them develop an internal motivation to participate and work hard and an internal perspective through which they can evaluate their performances.
6. Remember that the game belongs to the players. Be empathetic and supportive of the experiences and emotions your children have in sports, but remember that it is their time to shine, grow, and even make mistakes.
7. Communicate positively and openly with coaches. Make sure your message is clear, appropriate for the situation, and respectful. Talk to the coach when you are in a positive mood, not at a time when you’re upset.
8. Keep the sport experience in its proper perspective. Treat the game as an opportunity to have fun and learn, and your child well as well. Although competing and winning are important to even younger kids, it is essential that you help them learn that, ultimately, sports are a game and not an indication of their worth.
9. Positively reinforce your children’s behaviors. Be positive in all aspects of your children’s sport experiences. Focus on all that they do well and not on the mistakes they make
10. Support your children’s entire team. Be positive not only toward your own children, but towards all the kids on the team. Encouraging everyone to play well and to have fun will not only make the team more cohesive, it will make your children’s experiences more enjoyable.
According to noted child and sports psychologist, author and motivational speaker Dr. Darrell Burnett, what separates the really good athletes from the okay athletes is how they handle mistakes. When parents are talking to their kids, for every one time they’re criticizing them about something or confronting them there should be four or five “way to go” complements or positive stuff.
“The key message from parents to their children is that it’s okay to make a mistake because that’s how they learn,” states Burnett. “If we give players the opportunity of staying calm when they make a mistake and they can see what they can learn from it then you can increase positive self talk rather than negative.”
What do you do to help your kids stay positive about playing the game?
Linde Hyder, i9 Sports Mom Blogger
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